Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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