My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
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Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
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I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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