Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
