also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
