just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
