I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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