My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
