The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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