my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
