i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
