I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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