Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
