Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
