The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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