Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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