Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
