Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
