I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
