I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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