I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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