ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
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My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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