so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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