guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
