We got so high we made milksteak
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
