Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
