Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
