I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Randomize
