Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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