Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
420 ftw
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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