Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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