the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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