I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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