Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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