I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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