So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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