we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
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There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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