someone get that fucking seahorse.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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