I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
