So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
