I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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