I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
