i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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