I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Randomize
