are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
