girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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