she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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