I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
