Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
