Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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