I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
