can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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