how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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