I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
