I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
