Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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