its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
